I’m gonna choose the side effect and you choose the power:
“I ___, but only when I’m hard.”am the world’s greatest kindergarten teacher
Can revive the dead
“I’m gonna explain everything later, just don’t interfere.”
Can reproduce
Makes sense
You can give moving public speeches
save kittens from trees
That sounds nice. The newspapers will call me a hard hero.
You can captivate the attention of any child. You’re a comedian or magician that would absolutely kill it at any children’s birthday party. You would be a fantastic teacher as you can hold the wrapped attention of even the most tiktok-corrupted teen.
Except, there’s just one small problem…
They could make a killing off making videos on YouTube or something like Khan Academy. Just never show him from below the waist…
I’m Mr beast?
become immensely popular as a male role model
Shapeshifting
It hurts extremely because your whole body is physically altered.
Worth it.
There’s a whole fetish community that’s SOOOOO into this idea
RIP Scoot D:
You shift by magically turning yourself inside out ass first
Disgusting and likely painful, would have to be done somewhere private
You’re worried about manners??
But comes with body dysmorphic disorder. You’ll never be satisfied with how you look.
Your clothes are not transformed with you
Still works. I just gotta shapeshift into someone about my height
You shapeshift, including your mind. When you change into a person, you take on all of their memories as well. You become a complete copy, and the old you simply ceases to exist. If you turn yourself into Donal Trump, there’s just a random copy of the president sitting in your apartment, utterly confused about where he is or how he got there. And the ability to shapeshift was a power of your old body. The new one can’t shapeshift.
Your brain shape shifts as well into an exact copy of the animal you mimic. You have the intelligence of the creature you turn into. Which means a one way trip as any coherent logical human thoughts is driven out by animal instincts.
If I shapeshift into another human, I’d just have their memories. Id have to shapeshift somewhere calm, and leave myself notes
This might make a good movie plot
You forget what you like if you are changed for too long and don’t have a detailed enough reference
A matter of keeping some hair in a jar as well as a photograph of mine
Your telomeres become damaged every time you use the ability
You can also become invisible
Your weight also change, but the difference is converted to energy using mass–energy equivalence formula.
So I just need to keep my weight constant
Grow slowly -> walking air cooler
Shink rapidly -> Boom
Wouldn’t it be more like: Grow slowly -> burn proportional amount of calories Since you would need to get that energy from somewhere
So you’d be interpolating between a keg-shaped dwarf and slenderman; sounds nice, too
Honestly, I could probably get behind that lol. After long enough I bet you could get really good at getting your mass exactly how you wanted it depending on what you want to do.
Ability to make cheese at will.
it is extruded and harvested from your nipples
I would get the biggest fattest breast implants possible and be a stripper with a built-in cheese dispenser.
“Can I get a lap dance and some cheese for the nachos?”
The cheese is extra.
“Ugh. Fine!”Brand new sentence?
I see no flaws in this plan
You are also able to end all wars
You’re lactose intolerant
It’s all kraft singles
It’s Cheez-Whiz
You now lactate and secrete rennet. Making it possible for you to harvest the ingredients and make cheese at will.
It lags out reality because every time you make cheese, it spawns a dozen above you, and reality just never expected this to happen. Also it’s always comically large Raclette
Be able to transform into animals
Ohh! this *is *a nice game!
Ok, my superpower is … Autism!
The power to negate side effects of any kind. :]
With the snap of my fingers I can instantly cause the death of authoritarian dictators.
Teleportation
Every time you do it, you land on a poop
Just gotta carry disinfectant wipes and stuff I guess. I’d take this deal
And not like a little dog scat either. We’re talking the entire football team ate some bad vichysoise and it hit them during practice and that pile is where you land. Every godsdamn time. You’re starting to wonder if it’s the same pile.
You can only teleport your body. Meaning you will always arrive naked.
I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle
Are prostheses and implants considered part of your body for purposes of teleport?
If say only you physical body teleports, leaving behind a pile of clothes, the contents of your digestive tract, and contact lenses. You arrive naked, hungry, and blind.
You should watch The Boys, if you haven’t already.
Your accuracy is +/- 3 light years.
If your already on your deathbed, it would be a painful way to die, but you’d at least get an amazing view for a few seconds.
Granted, but your momentum is teleported with you. The earth is hurtling through space at over 100,000 km and you are on its -spinning- surface subjected to multiple momentum influences constantly.
Keep it to short distances and you might be ok, but with distance comes chaos.
This was fantastically embedded in the Jumper books.
Don’t you Just have to Teleport rapidly Forward in short disxtances then to mitigate that risk? Would probably also bei safer since you could See where to Teleport to.
Lmao not how it works. Things are only moving in relation to other things, if you’re affixed to the earth then almost any other point on earth relative to you is not moving.
If you teleport in refence to some other celestial body that sounds kind of dumb and also possibly a skill issue.
The surface of the earth at the equator is moving at ~1600 km/hr in order to rotate fully in a day. If you teleport to the opposite side of the planet, you’ll still be moving at that speed but the surface there is moving in the opposite direction. You will now be having a very bad day.
(Along the equator) in relation to the core along the polar axis. See how I did that? I filled in your implied point of reference. Isn’t that a pretty stupid reference compared to, idk, where your are standing now?
How much is a 3 square feet patch of grass moving in relation to the one nearest you? Two points on a grid. It doesn’t matter if the grid is being translated around an axis, the two points are basically fixed and dont move in relation to each other.
Anywhere you haven’t been is an imaginary place
You have to have been there first within 24hrs to teleport there
deleted by creator
Couldnt you just teleport there for a second on weekend so the timer resets and you dont have to drive at all?
Could also do that with international vacation spots too.
Teleport home to feed the cat and then back to Italy.
I can upvote or downvote as many times as I want
only you see it
I already have this power.
deleted by creator
Most communities find it a violation and ban you, reverting your votes
Mind reading
It turns out nobody really thinks often enough for you to get any information
Twist: everyone is P-zombies but you! The Solipsists were right!
All thoughts are formatted in .docx
All thoughts are deposited on a random storage medium and format. So you might receive a 3.5" cassette formatted with ZFS or a flashdrive that must be read by laser refraction (like a DVD)
When you read someone’s mind you involuntarily blurt out everything you read.
You can’t turn it off or filter out any thoughts and are lost in a cacophony of thoughts bombarding you every second from evey living thing. Even isolation isnt a relief as the animals and insects asail you with their primitive instinctual thoughts.
Antarctica here I come!
You arrive to desolate and wonderfully silent Antarctica.
For a time you are alone and happy in your isolation. Soon enough, thoughts start to slowly infiltrate your sleep and later your waking world. You can’t understand them. They are weird and very distressing. Over time you are having difficulty thinking clearly. You want to run but you cannot. You want to scream but you cannot for the thoughts are so upsetting. Your days and nights are spent in abject terror as you feel your mind slipping. Your essential nature being pulled away from you. Even more frightening is that you are starting to understand and interpret images, thoughts, and ideas, but they are so… Alien.
From the aliens.
The aliens that long ago crashed here on earth. To keep themselves alive they merged themselves with their spacecraft in an unholy combination of life and technology. They have been trapped by time, buried under the ice, waiting. Slowly the machine intelligence has been corrupted, the living minds fractured and the remaining combined intelligence is insane, mavolent, and hungry for new thoughts and ideas. Your mind is but the first. Your arrival has awoken them from a deep slumber. The ice that has kept them from humanity is melting.
You, (are you a individual any longer?) hunger with them for thoughts that are not your own.
Whenever you do it, the fact you’re reading someone’s mind is announced loudly in their mind and in the minds of anyone nearby.
No filter so you hear everything. I hope you are ready to hear non-stop thoughts of pooping, peeing and struggling with bad sleep because one of the elderly people around you is going to be dealing with it.
That’s ignoring all the disturbing thoughts of others you can’t do anything about.
You’re extra sensitive to reading the minds of non-human animals and can’t turn it off. All the time. Forever.
spoiler
In exchange, all of your thoughts are broadcasted onto an account on every social media, no matter how small, with your name attached to it.
It works, but there is nothing to read. Enjoy your solipsism!
impeccable social skills
Have my nose grow every time I lie
I can now shoot fresh spaghetti from my fingertips. Each fingertip shoots a continuous spaghetti noodle at an alarming rate with a range of about 4 feet. My thumbs will shoot a delicious meat sauce at a comparable rate and range.
Superpower - Simon the likeable. I come across to everyone as so calming, disarming, friendly and persuasive that I can convince anyone to do anything just by talking to them.
The ability to get my DnD group to have a sensible, routine schedule, with no cancelations.
They are always completely distracted and on their phones the whole time.
Had this happen with one dude in college. I had no clue why he joined at all. He spent every session on his phone held 6 inches from his face, and always had to be told when it was his turn in combat, just for him to have no clue who to attack.
It’s unfortunately common, just not necessarily everyone in the group. So, it’s the best side effect due to the grounded reality that’s suited to the wish.
You DM becomes your literal dungeon master. You’re literally chained naked in a basement, forced to play endless games of DND.
The side effect is intended to be bad.
Their friends and family become trapped in stasis until they complete a campaign, they know you are to blame. You die when the campaign ends.
But they want to change their character every time.
Everyone wants to play in your games
Your DnD groups are all incredibly hot and sexually uninhibited, but none of them will date you because they can always get great sex, whereas you are the best at being a DM. They also steal any one you want to date because they want you do do nothing but be there for them.
That seems oddly specific and personal.
Benny Hill did something along these lines.
Everybody in the group but you suddenly dies.
Death counts as a cancellation, so that wouldn’t work.
This irritates your intestines terribly every time you use it, causing you to be the one to have to cancel every time tho, or play the session in agonizing pain and very frequent bathroom trips
There sure is a lot of “you poop yourself every time you use it” type responses here.
