Once a user came into our office on the verge of tears. Her notebook wouldn’t boot and she thought that meant her thesis was lost.
Didn’t make a backup either.
But luckily it was the mainboard that quit and not the SSD. So we were able to decrypt it and get her up and running again. After we told her to make a backup next time, she was so happy that she wanted to give us money. We refused.
Come next day, she stormed in, without saying a word. Just threw a pile of candy and a handful of soft drinks on our table and ran off before we could do anything about it.
Fuck you, boss. That’s our candy now.
The whole story just warms my heart.
Heroes definitelly don’t always wear capes!
-
Have vendor take you out to lunch.
-
Walk into bosses office and regurgitate the lunch onto their desk.
-
Profit?
Make sure the vendor buys you a nice boozy drink. Some top shelf whiskey or something. Bosses love top shelf whiskey.
And make sure you get something that looks absolutely repulsive after you vomit it back up. I’d recommend a Greek Salad, extra feta.
Take long enough and you can just shit on the boss’s desk, slap down the paper, and ask for a “thank you” for bringing back some lunch.
Take a picture of the shit and add it to the expense report. Make sure you notate that you did not keep the gift and instead rescinded ownership to your boss.
Let’s be fair: by that stage you should probably also draw some blood and leave it there.
Wouldn’t want to unwittingly be keeping from the boss the nutrients from that free meal.
-
usually, you’re supposed to turn down the gift, this is just wrong
I’ve heard stories of clients giving gifts getting pissed when the wrong person claims them, so it’s risky for not just legal reasons
Pretty sure I just got
anti-briberyethics and compliance training that said no one in my company is allowed to accept such gifts lolSame
If you’re in the USA, please feel fee to photograph and submit to NLRB for review. They like it when the guilty type it up and post it.
Nlrb is dead in the trump era. Rip
State Labor boards should be largely unaffected, and are usually the ones to actually punish the offenders anyway.
Federalism for the win I guess
This is illegal most places. Might want to look into that.
lol
Usually these things will just say you can’t accept such items because it could be considered a bribe or at the very least unprofessional. And here we have an asshole straight up saying “give your bribes to me!”
I’m just thinking of all the times customers offered me food and drink while servicing them as an internet service installer. You gonna take all my Dr. Pepper and tacos, too, boss? How 'bout I leave 'em in a pile on your desk after I’m done?
Yeah, that company has red flags.
Red flag number 1: the contents of the note
Red flag number 2: using duct tape to attach the note to the wall. Hints at a huge managerial Skill Issue.
A proper company would instead be talking about compliance and how gifts of really any meaningful value have to be rejected outright.
Food? So if a client takes me for a meal I have to make sure to vomit it onto my boss’ desk when I get back to the office?
You can generally wait 2 or 3 days before giving him the food. Of course by then it’s been processed.
Vomiting is not as much fun as waiting for it to be ready for you to deposit on the boss’ desk the other way.
True, but it’s good to have options.
Obviously not. You order it to go, sit there awkwardly while the client eats, then bring the box of cold food to the manager who the gives it to the owner eventually.
Yes. Malicious compliance.
“Oh, thanks! What I’d like is some extremely hot sauce in a bottle labelled ‘ketchup’”.
Some companies would tell you not to take gifts in case they look like bribes
When I worked for a major database company they made me take annual training to explain that I wasn’t allowed to buy sex workers for potential clients.
“buy”
So renting is not an issue! Or as a Service…
So many options left. Next time I talk to big red I’ll ask the rep about his interpretation of this training.
;)
My handbook at work specifically bans buying illicit drugs for customers with the company card.
It doesn’t say anything about buying it with my card and getting reimbursed though…
So Oracle.
Was after the catapult incident?
Ootl…did the catapult incident involve a sex worker?
Multiple sex workers.
I’m even more ootl. What happened?
Were there multiple catapults, as well?
Nope, just one catapult firing sex workers into a hotel room and one of the calculations was off and she went splat.
In some type of job it is even illegal
One place i worked at collected all gifts and had a lottery at Christmas, where employees could win them. I feel that’s a fair way to deal with this.
We need to start recognizing corporate greed as a mental disorder. This is a company large enough that employees don’t interact with the owner directly, and all the profits from the company aren’t enough for the owner: they also want the pen the delivery guy gave you. It’s a sickness.
The Native Americans recognized a greed sickness in white men. They called it watika, IIRC.
Yeah the word he spelled came from Hindu meaning garden apparently. Or Africa meaning creative. No ties to America I could find. I guess they sound close
Broken link
That link worked for me.
deleted by creator
Thanks for this! Watiko look like an interesting rabbit hole to explore.
Been with several companies that have the first part in their policy. It makes sense to avoid, or at best minimize an external influencing factor in company activities. Basically they don’t want to mess with lawsuits. That’s what company policy is for, protect the company.
The rest is owner greed. He doesn’t want the gifts to stop, he wants them all without doing anything to get them. Either enforce a ‘no gifts, period’ policy or let people do what they will.
When you work in certain fields there are strict laws around accepting gifts from customers or clients. None of those laws allow the business owner to steal them from you.
In the US, there is a legal precedent from corps stealing tips meant for employees.
In our company this is a bribe and we don’t accept bribes.
Same in ours.
Myself and another guy went to a tech junket that was by invite only and they gave away a laptop to one person from each company who attended. My boss tried to take the laptop from the other guy saying “that was a gift and you need to turn it over to me”
I’d already cleared it with our corporate conflict of interest ombudsman - if I’d accepted it, it would have been an issue because I had purchasing authority, but other guy was “just” a tech who couldn’t sign off on anything or even make recommendations to anyone other than me, we didn’t have an existing business relationship with the vendor, and we’re not obligated to conduct any business with them as a result of the gift.
I told my boss to take it up with head-of-department (whom I’d copied in on the ombudsman comms.)
Other guy kept the laptop, and boss got ‘audited’ for gifts received (they pulled his emails) and was demoted into a position he wasn’t able to handle (more technical than he was capable of, but on paper should have been able to do) and pushed out of the company soon thereafter.
What are you, a cop?
Not if they don’t accept bribes, they aren’t.
Wait, if I am, do I have to tell you?
If you are one, no. I think you get in trouble if you don’t lie and/or kick my shit in, actually
I’ll have to carry unnecessary violence with me wherever I go. Will a bat be OK?
A bat is fine too.
Client gifted me a truck load of manure
