I genuinely feel like no matter what I do, psychopaths can always pretty much immediately defect me as the perfect victim.
I think it’s partly because I’m ugly, partly because I’m sensitive, and they can just tell I’m a weak person.
It’s making my life a living hell, no matter how hard I try I just can’t blend it, I can’t force myself to act a certain way, it’s exhausting to me
Help…
I wish I could remember where I read it, but I do remember reading either an article or paper that laid out that when people are victimized, other abusers tend to be able to spot that somehow. Something about body language and it’s all subconscious.
I don’t have the answer here except to just build a shell and be a dick for a while, but I do want to say I am genuinely sorry you have to deal with that. Always being the victim or always putting on a mask is fucking exhausting and soul draining.
Prolly mostly body language and/or pheromones. Both massive channels of communication that everyone understands on some level but not so many think about consciously.
Also, it seems to me that traumatized people are more likely to belong to certain scenes than non traumatized folk. People pick up on that, even if they don’t realize they do.
We’re now interacting online, for example, in the fediverse. I’d be willing to bet we’re all more likely to have suffered social trauma than the general population is. I know I have.
One trick that helped me is that psychopaths tend to frame things in an either or, where the either is, you do what they want you to do, and the or is, you are a horrible person.
When you find that yourself in that situation, always pick the horrible person option.
What they think of you doesn’t fucking matter.
Once they realize that they can’t manipulate you, they’ll get bored and move on.
Give a couple examples of what you’re taking about
I recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. It’s available for free at archive.org. It describes how predators work and how regular people can stay safe from them.
100% agree with this. Our gut instinct is trying to tell us things and we often ignore it. I ALWAYS trust mine.
Some people only understand consequences. You can avoid them but if forced to interact, it’s good that it is understood that messing with you might come with a cost. There are subtle and socially acceptable ways to convey this message.
I really feel for you mate. Vulnerable people get targeted constantly and it’s horrible… they can get in a cycle of never being able to not be vulnerable because they never get a chance to fully recover. The funny thing is that vulnerable people see people’s true self around them.
The main thing is working on self esteem, having good boundaries comes when people have the self esteem to do them. Have you worked on the causes of your self esteem issues? Counselling can really help
Idk. Like, interpersonal psychopaths don’t scare me as much cause I can always just ghost them for the most part.
My issue is with workplace ones (cause it’s hard to find a good job) and also with the ones in my apartment complex. There’s no effing way it can be dealt with I’m just screwed.
Workplace ones are awful, there’s loads of research showing bullies often go into management. Best way I’ve found to manage it is not to tell anyone I work with anything about me so they have nothing to use against me.
Have you got much support in your life? If you’re missing a dad’s support you can find it at !dadforaminute@lemmy.world it’s great and supportive dad posters.
I tried that but they always find a way to turn everyone against me. They hate my guts
I hear you. Counselling can really help, it helps you take control of your own life and reduce the amount of problems you have.
