Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was “what’s the pay” and second “how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that”.
They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.
Hire me or OSHA geta notified if you wanted the job
That sounds like they blew the interview, not you
How strict is your sexual harassment policy?
Blow job interview, you say?
How strict is your shitting on Debra’s desk policy?
Or flying into the sun?
Sounds like management material to me.
“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”
As you can clearly see I’m white and male. When do I start?
“Congrats, Mr. President! You’ve won the election!”
Honestly, this works more often than not.
I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.
Ok???
It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.
“I am always respectful and appropriate towards female employees, especially the hot ones.”
Sounds like something Michael Scott would say.
I had to read that title a few times. As it potentially could be its own answer: offer a blowjob
…I know, I’ll see myself out now…
This reminded me of:
Pants go down to ankles
Underwear go down to ankles
And then the helicopter starts up
I think you’re just supposed to not get hired, not get arrested!
Well they didn’t say you couldnt get arrested.
That’s how you join an exclusive club, people who aren’t allowed to live near a school.
“Hi, I don’t want this job, I’m just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits.”
“I have uncontrollable diarrhea, I smell like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, and my cooking tastes like uncontrollable diarrhea. When can I start, chef?”
- I only push to
master - I only deploy to prod on Fridays
- I am not available on the weekends
something about your confidence… you’re hired!
Confidence coming from ignorance is human’s biggest trap.
- I only push to
“Yup, that’s me on the OSHA poster.”
“I’m the reason they changed the safety rules 3 times in a month”
“I do not believe the AI hype”
Tell them they can’t afford me
You’d be surprised the number of head hunters you’ll pique the interest of with that line.
They get me on board with the high salary, but the damage I do by not knowing how to do the job is ultimately what they cannot afford.
Hey, I could do that for more!
leans in close to the interviewer
“That’s where that smell was coming from.”
Fart into an airzooka and shoot the fart at the interviewers.
Like a normal fart or a fart that brought some friends
Number 2
Gotta play the hand we’re dealt.
