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The topic always changes. You miss your chance. It bugs you so much that you hang onto the thought for weeks, months, or years, and bring it up promptly at the next opportunity.
“We talked about banana peels four years ago?”
“Almost five.”
“And, you waited for it to come up again to say that banana peels are used in water purification?”
“… yeah?”
“…”
They are?! :o
You now possess “The Thought”. Good luck
Stop listening to respond and this won’t happen. Actively listen and you’ll always have something to add, at the end, when it’s you’re turn to speak.
Edit: Look y’all, I’ve been dealing with my ADHD unmedicated for over 20 years and I have to say sometimes you need to listen to the neurotypicals. Just because conversation skills like “active listening” don’t come natural to you doesn’t mean you should just discount the advice as neurotypical nonsense. Use those beautiful powers of observation and pattern reconition intentionally: listen, parse, connect back to context, respond. Believe it or not, you don’t need to have a response ready immediately, and most folks appreciate a few seconds of silence as it shows them you care enough to respond genuinely rather than just speaking.
Slowly realizing The Thought probably isn’t very related anyway and probably no one ever likes hearing all the dumb shit you have to say.
Sometimes I wonder how much this is a symptom of AuDHD specifically. ADHD people cannot hold “The Thought” but often just go with the flow anyway and it’s not as important. ASD peeps can hold “The thought” and feel the pressure to express it. AuDHD people simultaneously cannot hold it and feel the pressure to express it.
What about Ultra HD
They hold the thought in sharp, high-res focus and loop it in their head over and over, never forgetting.
I will perseverate on a topic going back to it because I need to info dump, but most people just don’t care about things to the same level of detail. =(
You need autistic friends
The list of symptoms is really long for both autism and adhd and there’s significant overlap. The same goes for identified genetic risk factors (if there wasn’t I would definitely assume the genetics work was wrong). Trying to separate the two into clearly distinct categories is a good game in my view.
*while also trying to listen to the others
I have an autistic friend that I will have 4-5 hr conversations with because we both do this and it results the in the conversation starting over 20 times because we just have to spit out that thought. And every time it starts over the conversation gets derailed on some other wild tangent. It’s like reading a “choose your own adventure” book but you keep flipping back to different choices because you just HAVE to know what every possible path can lead to.
Both of our spouses have learned that if we start talking they had better just cancel all plans for the evening because we are going to be going all night.
Can I be friends with your friend?
Hell yeah! 3 autistic weirdos going off on tangents would be absolutely wild, just make sure to inform your significant other you wont be home for a few days because you’ll be stuck in a conversation loop with unmedicated lunatics.
Sometimes I’ll have a joke related to the topic and am waiting to deliver it. Then the topic changes and it doesn’t work anymore. Only I know how good the joke was, and I carry that to my grave
You gotta find a clever way to bring the conversation back so you can deliver the joke. It is of the utmost importance.
