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Cake day: June 16th, 2023

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  • There are things you have to be prepared for and you will snap at each other at least once, your life will change and there are good and bad things about it. There are a lot of things you can do to help. Most things come down to proper planning and sticking to a rigid schedule for baby while being flexible about what each parent does. As a father be prepared to do 99% of of household things like cooking, shopping, cleaning, and laundry for about the first month.

    • start sleep training early, like week 2 or 3. The earlier you start establishing a schedule the faster it works. Things get vastly easier if they sleep alone through even part of the night.
    • get mom in post partum therapy right away, it’s more of a when not an if that she will experience some. Most experience mild symptoms, but a mom that gets even more fatigued and snippy makes everything more difficult.
    • your free time will drastically reduce, this can be a big source of problems. Especially in the first few months. You can still do things, and you occasionally should, leaving the house is good for everyone, just be flexible with it. Also find something you can do in short bursts for relaxation.



    1. Kids. Being married before you have kids is huge in some states and important in many. In my state unmarried father’s have no rights to children even if they sign the birth certificate. Sure you can adopt, but that’s far more expensive than a marriage certificate.

    2. Protection in the case of breakup or divorce. You have rights to shared property in a divorce, you have no rights to anything you didn’t buy or put in your name otherwise. You can sort of solve this with making a partnership and putting all assets into it, but it’s not quite the same and far more complicated. Also if you aren’t the breadwinner, there isn’t really a way to ensure spousal support without a marriage.

    3. Legal protections. You can’t be compelled to testify against a spouse. While you can do things like medical power of attorney, you don’t get it by default like marriage, which means you either need that document on hand at all times or in an emergency situation you could be prevented access or decision making authority until you provide documentation. There’s also social security, you can draw on a spouse, but there isn’t an equivalent, same for pensions that offer survivor benefits.

    4. Insurance benefits from employers generally require you to be married.












  • From a US perspective. Depending on the specialty a PA will do 99% of what a doctor does. In more surgical specialities they tend to do most of the pre and post op work. The US also has NPs (nurse practitioners) which are very similar in function to a PA. The big difference is that an NP is taught medicine from a nursing perspective, while a PA is more explicit in the partnership with a doctor. As a PA or NP you would be more of a peer with a doctor, so you would likely see different sides of doctors and nurses than you currently do.

    You can expect different drama, maybe not less. I can’t say what specifically would be the case in Germany. In the US it’s mostly about balancing patient care with paperwork, and battling insurance companies. The ratio of practicing medicine vs bureaucratic bullshit is currently very skewed towards bureaucracy in the US.