“Ahhh shit, they opened the XOR gate! Quick, someone check the blood sacrifice box and find out if the cat is dead or alive!”

I played dominoes with a bunch of Cubans that didn’t speak English, and I spoke very little Spanish. By the 3rd bottle of rum we all understood each other perfectly.

ET: “Phone home.”

Later…

ET: “Execute order 66.”

Someone found a place that wasn’t constantly monitored by CCTV, crazy.

Nah, he was an idiot when I was 14, 21, 28, 35, and 42. He’ll probably be an idiot until he dies. Can’t hold a job, can’t stop drinking, and can’t help but vote red down the line every 4 years. The world will be better when he’s shuffled loose this mortal coil.

This is nothing new. Cardinals have been rawdogging kids for centuries.

I, uhhh, well, I’m not sure what to say. I feel like we’ve been through a lot just now, and I just need to take a minute…

It’s a goddamned plague.

I’ve meticulously put black tape over every single little light that glows in my bedroom to let me know something is plugged in. Don’t make me tape over the entire light switch, too.

Eternal Procession in my ass.

Probably a safe bet. Better get it before Trump raids the coffers and presses it into express lane passes for his eponymous golf and country club wing of the White House with his fucking face on them.

If this was an email conversation where someone had commissioned David the Gnome with a pound cake, and then once they saw the result asked for more cake, people would think it’s hilarious.

Really gonna need that bicycle built for two now…

-Groucho Marx

Without Doug.

Can I get this as a left4dead mod?

There was another one, don’t know if it was from the same list or not, but it was the all beet diet. Just beets. Season and cook them however you want, but that is all you are allowed to have. Period. My stepdad did the diet and nearly lost his goddamned mind.

:D

There is a lot to be said for being a jack of all trades. I can do a lot of things in my day-to-day life with relative ease, like cooking a meal or working on my car. I also enjoy reading the news and understanding what it says, and if there is something that I’m unsure of, I know where to go to find out what I’m missing. If I were really good with one thing, sure, I’d potentially have a higher paying job in that field, but I’d be missing out on a lot of other things.

Yeah, it’d be a shame if they had to sacrifice some of those mentions and hashtags to relay meaningful information.