I hereby award you the “Royal Order of the Bonespurs!”

just enough rum

This does not exist.

There is only “just one more rum,” followed by “that was too much rum.”

Because sailors never got drunk enough to see that version.

Edit: Let me revise that to say “Because sailors never got drunk enough to admit seeing that version when they got drunk enough to see it.”

his ethics are flexible

You keep using that word.

I do not think it means what you think it means.

One moves twice as much product as the other.

Tell me you didn’t pay attention in Spatial Distortion as Applied to Time Dilation class without telling me you didn’t pay attention in Spatial Distortion as Applied to Time Dilation class.

People who are only moral because they fear going to hell scare the piss out of me.

It doesn’t matter what I say

So long as I sing with inflection

That makes you feel that I’ll convey

Some inner truth of vast reflection

But I’ve said nothing so far

And I can keep it up for as long as it takes

And it don’t matter who you are

If I’m doing my job then it’s your resolve that breaks

Good try, extraterrestrial being. We’re not going to elaborate on our species to fill in your gaps of basic knowledge of us.

Screw you. You aren’t blaming this shit on me.

Snake Oil Feedback Loop achievement unlocked.

But always pronounce it “simular” just to sound extra smart.

Lara Croft quietly snickering in the back of the room.

I find this all to be very irrational. I need to have some pi and think about it.

No, we don’t.

Be the negative you want to see in the universe.

Don’t call it anything. Ignore it and maybe it will go away.

I was going to stop being so indecisive, but then I thought some more about it and now I’m not sure that it’s a good idea.

Ask the boss if we can draw for Secret Santa early this year and cheat so I get his name.

That sounds cool. Do you have a link where I could check it out, bot?