This is outrageous and unacceptable. Who the heck wears a beanie indoors?!? Winter hats come off when you go inside, this is just basic human decency.

That Reading Baggins, he’s so hot right now 🔥

Cool the engines, bro

In New York City, this is just your average subway commute.

Now accepting donations of land, buildings, and other forms of real estate!

Can I please donate the real estate this occupies in my brain.

01001001 01110011 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01001001 01010100 00111111 00100000

Yup, that’s the one!

Oh absolutely, no one will sit through an actual movie that long. A series of some would be the way to go for sure.

Call me crazy, but I want a 14 hour epic of The Silmarillion…one movie, not a trilogy plz.

World’s happiest hand, just discovered!

Shrimp.

A friend pointed out to me that shrimp are basically the cockroaches of the sea. They just float around and eat fish poop all day. So gross and I can’t even.

Have you tried your local Swords 'R Us? I hear there’s a July 4 blowout sale this week. Use promo code Pond50 for half of your pond!

Somebody grab the Neosporin, we got a sick burn over here!

Instructions unclear. Tried to do a 180 degree turn at 80 mph. Trip was much shorter than expected.

That’s a solid platform,! Where do I send campaign donations?

Sadly, none of us have been elected to office.

A wild Mitch Hedberg appears! Have my updoot.