I’d be shitting my pants too if my neighbors were shooting at each other.

Make babies…, guy.

Tell them to look up how ducks, mate.

I quoted James Earl Jones in Coming to America, “LET THEM WAIT!”.

I smoke about a half a pack a day and feel like a dick for it. I’d like to quit, but i don’t want to.

My bad, you’re right. I just don’t need one sooo…

Is this along the same line as a poop spoon? Or is it just a fancy toilet?

As a cook, I once had a server come back to the kitchen and said the customer complained that thier omelet was “too hot”…

I like how he’s got his hands on his hips. Power move!

“Suuuper Genius”

My dogs would love one of these!

No, but seriously, this sucks.

Depends on if I’m mad at myself…

“I should go get some food.”

“You fucking idiot.”

Put me down for a RUBRUB…

Wait, it’s a sandwich?

"It’s clearly says b, e, a, n, s on the screen! " Trump

"It’s photoshopped. " reporter

"It’s right there on the screen! " Trump

"We’ll just have to agree to disagree. " reporter

Bennihead…

Here knees wouldn’t bend backwards, her thighs would get shorter and her feet would get longer…

Just fn around.

I had a little plastic army guy go missing from my diorama. Turns out, he was in the charging port,of my phone. :)

Thanks 😊

Reminds me of “Spash”. When Tom Hanks is in that little boat with some guy, trying to get to Ellis Isle. The engine quit running, and the guy said that he can fix it. Proceeds to hit the flywheel with a hammer. It of course doesn’t work. The the guy jumps out of the boat after saying that he needs to get “the little boat”. They could have shook hands sitting aft and stern in the “big” boat.