Hello,
I’m a 21-year-old guy looking to improve my social skills. I go out to bars but still struggle to socialize. I often find it hard to keep conversations going, and honestly, I sometimes feel bored even when I’m talking to people. Occasionally, I have a good chat, but I tend to be the quieter one in the group.
I love to sing, and after I’m done at the bar, I like to walk around town and ask if people want to hear me sing. A lot of folks are open to it and say they enjoy it (maybe they’re just being nice, but some really seem to like it). I’m passionate about playing guitar and want to start painting and writing too. I also like to go out to town and sit on a bench and just play my guitar, usually just Nirvana songs.
I’m pretty introverted, but I’m not afraid to approach people. I can introduce myself to groups, but I often struggle to keep the conversation going, almost like I bore them. I’ve also faced rejection from women about 4-5 times in a row, which I know is mostly my fault because I come off as desperate or just don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t had friends or anyone to talk to for a year or two (I don’t use social media). I’m average-looking, but I’ve had some really beautiful girls come up to me, only to lose interest when they see I’m a bit odd. I’ve also never really had a girlfriend before, nothing longer than 3 months.
Any advice would be appreciated!
P.S. I’m not really looking to read dating or socializing books; I want to stay true to myself. But if someone has a recommendation that helped them, I might check it out.
I find it easier to socialize around the context of organized activities like card & board games, arts & crafts or community sports. If it’s an activity you enjoy and the event bringing people together is for that activity’s enthusiasts, then you already share a common interest.
I haven’t had friends or anyone to talk to for a year or two
To me, it doesn’t sound like you have issues socializing, it sounds like you have issues with maintaining relationships. If you’re 21 and have zero friends, you need to examine that a little more closely.
Sounds a lot like you need to find your crowd. Socializing is not the issue, more like socializing with the right kind of people. The problem is finding out what and who you find engaging. I suffered somei of the same problems until I discovered hackerspaces. Have you considered trying out for a band or advertising about founding a new one?
First: think hard, and read much, about who you are, who do you want to be, why is life itself the most important of all things, why are all humans created equal, and should you love basically all humans?
This is the foundation. When you have found some answers, then this is going to change your life. Probably not in a day, rather during the next years.
Second: learn about empathy and how to express it. There are methods. This will change very much how you are perceived by others as a loveable person.
But do the first thing first, otherwise the second might not work and you become a bad case of cynic.
Sounds like you need to find the right crowd to surround yourself with; welcome to the club, odd one. I’ve had some positive experiences joining a DnD group, it’s a good way to meet fellow weirdos and if you get bored you can always look at your dice, re read the rules, or search stuff online.
https://lemmy.world/comment/13102981
asklemmy post: What do you secretly judge people for?
Zeon: Here are my top 5: - Being on their phone too much. - Being willfully ignorant. - Believing in religion. - Using proprietary social media apps (e.g. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook). - Using non-free BIOS firmware / non-free software.No wonder no one want’s to talk to you longer than few minutes.
You don’t lack social skills. You lack empathy. You are subconciously condensending to 100% of people you will meet becouse they use windows and instagram.
People can feel what is in you heart.
That was not to be taken seriously, but I could see that in myself lacking empathy. I’ll the advice regardless, because I did some self reflection and do think I’m lacking that part of myself. Thank you.
