I just finished watching a couple of the Bourne movies and I always enjoy a good fantasy break from reality once in a while. But as I watched it again, I began to notice more and more plot holes to everything and it became a game to me as I watched and noticed how in so many instances, Jason Bourne just wanders around in public with no masks or facial changes, yet in the background, they keep showing these sophisticated control stations by the CIA/FBI/Secret agencies that can monitor and scan literally anything and everything all at once. I know its movie magic but the film at one extreme leads us to believe that they can monitor everything … yet on the other hand, their key suspect is able to just wander around in public without anyone seeing him.
So I thought to myself how it would be hilarious if someone digitally remastered one of the Bourne movies and turned every single character and person that appears into Jason Bourne … even the women, black guys, Middle Eastern people, Asians, big fat people, children, old ladies … main characters, officers, government officials, the president of the United States, waiters, agents, soldiers, background people … make them all Jason Bourne.
Jesus Christ, it’s Jason Bourne

This is literally how people with some types of facial aphasia see other people
They see everyone as Matt Damon?
Only the ones Borne with it
Bourne, Bourne Again Shell
Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich
Gary? hahaha Gary! Gaaaaary
While they’re at it, let’s include image stabilization. Shaky cam was the worst film fad of the era.
It’s not just shaky cam, the sequences straight up don’t necessarily make cohesive physical sense. Like they show hits and moves in orders that don’t properly flow into each other
I find it funny that one of the director’s latest movies is the Road House remake, where they used a new technique that lets them show every impact in incredible clarity. Feels like he really took the shaky cam criticism to heart.
New Road House any good?
Yeah, yeah it is. It’s got Conor McGregor in there as a villain, so you have to be ok with that, but if you are, it’s honestly just a lot of fun. There’s an unhingedness to it all that really tickles me in the right spot.
Oops! All Jason Bourne!
Oh, the movies have a TON of plot holes in them. But if you enjoy reading, the original trilogy is amazing. Half the reason those plot holes exist is they removed Carlos. He’s the bad guy and the entire reason everything is happening.
Also he never seems to get held up by flight delays, traffic or trips to the toilet because of a dodgy takeaway.
If you liked that, have you seen Enemy of the State? That one may deserve a modern take, been almost 30 years. (Ouch!)







