If you didn’t want help, and someone showed up and started doing stuff, saying, “Hey I’m helping,” I doubt most people would want that help. Tl;dr you can only help those that want help or those that are open to it.

I think the best thing you can do is be supportive, invite them out, and showcase the positive aspects of your life & the life you’d want them to have. It’s not showboating / gloating, but it’s including them & offering them what a wider life might look like. When they want to change, you can be present for them in that moment.

Trying to change people can be such a fool’s errand. I’ve tried to do it with a bunch of friends over the last decade. You can’t move people who don’t want to be moved. You can maybe inspire them for more.

Tell their food providers if they don’t do something now, they’ll end up like my 70 year old parents. They just shelled out $16,000 for dental care because my brother who barely graduated high school, has never held a job, and never left the house, has no insurance of any kind. When they die, he’ll probably starve to death because I’m not stepping in to help that racist, misogynist, homophobic prick live.

I dont know the whole situation and it sounds like your trying. My closest parallel is, my friends that are kinda introverted.

I have one in my friend group, that thinks the perfect Friday night is air frying chicken and playing Command and Conquer.

Not that i hate that, but just like any good thing it gets tiresome.

So i sometimes spend time asking around for fun stuff to do on the cheap.

A week ago we drove roughly and hour to a OLD, OLD AS SHIT Drive in movie theater. It was $20 for 2 movies and for as many people as you could cram in a car.

It was honestly really fun, watching horror movies with my friends and just dicking around.

I was really introverted when i was younger and my friend is pretty introverted.

My best tip, is to invite somebody they enjoy hanging with something. Then offer them to join, and make it low stress and no schedule.

Thats how the best times with friends happen.

My friend really wasn’t thrilled about going to the movies, but because another friend was going. They wanted to go

We dont go out a whole lot because well shits expensive. But every time they get less introverted, because its not “oh im going somewhere with people i dont like talking to people” its more of “i may not like other people that are gonna be there but my friends are gonna be there”

Heard mentality helps introverts

Don’t feel bad for them. Stop judging them while believing otherwise. Mind your own business and stop meddling. Consider that you might be engaging in ableism. Be their friend (if they are also friends to you) and enjoy your life with them when the opportunities present themselves. Don’t see anything you do as “enabling them” - it’s not your job to give them tough love or to intervene in any way, unless they are asking you specifically for help. In that case, it’s reasonable to set conditions or limits to the help you may choose to give them.

Not everybody is worried about achieving things in life or living in ways you approve of, their regret isn’t guaranteed, and there are always ways for them to start anew and to live with dignity e.g. like the people showcased on the CheapRVLiving YT channel.

Society isn’t healthy, so it may be wise to direct your energy towards improving it and encouraging others to do the same. Their level of integration into our incredibly unhealthy society is not a measure of their personal health.

I originally read this as “terminally ill” but my answer doesn’t actually change: unplug them.

You can lead the horses to water but you can’t make them drink. Keep offering to hang out, maybe if you’re having a deep conversation ask if this is how they want the rest of their lives to go and if they have ever looked into mental health help (this absolutely may be them struggling to do things and not letting themselves think about that fact). But at the end of the day you can’t improve things for them, you can only offer whatever help you can offer, help if they ask for it, and provide a good alternative.

Also, encourage them to take regular walks. It’s a really good first step to stopping being a shut in. It involves changing scenery, exercise, and places you around other people. Biking or running would be a next step if they’re interested, they can serve as a hobby and cardio and biking can also be a form of transportation around town as well as providing an opportunity to get involved in social rides. Things like that drastically impact mental health

You have to understand your own limitations.

• They are 25 years old.
• They live with their mom.
• They never had a job.
• They only play games.
• and you don’t even live in the same town as them.

Someone, probably their mother is enabling this.

There is absolutely nothing you can do for either of these people. What you have to do is recognize that one day they will be at your door begging for support.

Get as far away from them as you can. You have no bargaining power here. Hey stop doing that thing that is so easy and come do this really shitty hard thing … because…

Listen to me man, get the fuck away from them.

Finally like others have said, you are judging them and rightfully so.

These dudes are losers. Find better friends.

Need to get them to do something fun away from home.

My honest question for you is what you think it means to be doing something meaningful?

Frankly, the world these days are filled with suits working jobs they either hate or you’re a dude working a job you like that pays you nothing. We’re not really in a place to help people with platitudes about “making a meaningful life” when there’s no meaning to be had.

But perhaps it’s the absurdist in me who feels this way. For the record, I have an OK programming job, and could probably make more money had I decided to not go into games fwiw.

Offer the support, offer the help, offer the talk or discussion, and leave it at that. If need be, occasionally/rarely remind.

Everything else would depend on closeness, personality, relationship, and urgency. Mostly, random online friends, there’s an inherent distance, and not the mutual respect and experience together to excuse personal boundaries. Overstepping those would require previous agreements.

Offering to hang out once in a while is nice. Without going into fancy considerations, it’s nice

Do be careful when suggesting specific activities, it can feel like you’re telling them what to be (and cause reactance). If you had parents doing it to you, you know the issue

I don’t think the “judging” part matters. They are likely to be unhappy at some point in the future, and if you happen to be proposing something different at that time, they might be more interested. This doesn’t need to be about judgement or respect, having a way into another life should always be desirable (as long as you’re not being an asshole)

note that I am basing this on how I believe I would feel if I was them, and do not have any experience as your “role” here

“Im not judging”, proceeds to judge.

These days 25 isn’t that old to be living at home given extortionate rent and lack of decent job prospects. So if they had a soul-crushing job they would be “healthy” in your eyes?

Why are you so optimistic/pushy about them becoming wage slaves?

I think a lot of people felt personally triggered by this.

I’m in this picture and I don’t like it

Lol

I tried everything for a couple of friends. similar stories. all I did was damage the friendship irrecoverably.

cut ties with them. dead weight drags you down.

besides, pretty presumptuous of you to think of them as being less than you and in need of you help.

The majority of people live with their parents until around 30 years old these days.

I think it’s going to be hard for you to get your friends to care about these kind of things.